"Why don't you try squeezing something the size of a watermelon out of an opening the size of a lemon and see how hot YOU look?"



Oh John Travolta... this is back when you were super skinny and super wonderful...
Who am I kidding? I still love you.



        Have you ever had one of those realizations that make you stop dead in your tracks and shout “WHEN DID I GET SO OLD?!”



Like when you make a fantastic movie reference to an equally fantastic movie
 and no one under the age of twenty even knows what you are talking about---That kind of old.

       I’m at the point. You know, the point in your life when all your friends are getting married or having kids. It’s a weird point. And it’s a little scary… because I’m getting there too (the getting married part not the having children part because that’s at least 60 years from now, minimum). When did we get so old guys? Ever feel that way my fellow blogees?



The feeling like when you look at a picture of your Great Grandmother
---only the coolest Grandma ever---and think to yourself...
 "Wow! She looks so young in this picture! And so do I!" OLD!

         I have a confession. Another one, besides I’m a yarn addict or being obsessive over which crochet stitch thingy do I like better. My confession: I really love babies. I don’t like holding them. I like looking at them though. Not in the gross creepy way (I DON’T LOOK GOOD IN ORANGE) but in the “Wow, that watermelon used to be in your body and what would make you think that was going to be an awesome time?” way,

Seriously? That just doesn't even SOUND fun.

     It’s amazing. Moms are my heroes. Seriously. I am not brave. At all. I can’t list a single thing in my life that I was absolutely 100% positively sure about. Parenting is one of my biggest fears. Why? Because I’m 22 years old and I’m trying to figure out life at the moment…. I don’t want to have to figure out parenting on top of it. Which is why moms are my heroes. Because they may be petrified, but they don’t show it. And there’s nothing like a love for your own child. You can just see it on parents’ faces, you know?



Not to get sappy but I really believe God gave us moms because… he did.
 What? Were you thinking I was going to say something cheesy?
(I seriously question how much my mom loved me though---That hat is awful)

Gouda. To be exact.

      I bring up babies because of my favorite five month old.

She's laughing because I made a pun about cheese.

        How did we come to meet? Little Emma and I? Well, Fiancé and I go to Sagebrush. And they believe in this whole “life together thing” because Jesus had his disciples and they all worked together. Follow? And so a year ago I talked Fiancé into letting us join a small group. It was scary... I mean... what if we went into a weird couple's house?

Awww Fiancé!

 A small group is a group of people who are Christians who get together and hang out. I know what you are thinking… Didn’t you have friends? …You’ve read the blog right?… Would you want to be my friend? Kidding! We had plenty of friends but it was important to have some friends who understood our beliefs, and so we found a wonderful couple. (Note: We did go to a weird couple's house. They just happened to be as weird as we are.)

They eat pie.

 And we became friends [This is where I’d put a picture of all of this… but we’ve never had a picture of us. We fail.] And then Kenney and Rachel announced they were having Emma. 

She wants to eat pie.

 and I got super excited.
This is my point: I am a pattern freak. If there is a cute pattern... I will find it. I will commandeer it and then I will want to make it. As a 22 year old college student there are a few things that would be weird for me to make. 
Weird things to make when you don’t have kids:
   1.) baby blankets. No matter how cute they are, it’s weird.
   2.) Baby toys. Seriously? Why?
   3.) Baby booties. What? Do you want me to find a squirrel somewhere that can  wear booties?
   4.) Baby hats. No matter how epic they may seem… they will never fit on your head.
   5.) Baby mobiles. I know. Weird idea. Awesome. Trust me. But you can’t make one for yourself   because  it’s a baby mobile. Not a “Twenty something” mobile or a “senior citizen mobile.” BABY mobile.
        Which is why I was excited. Suddenly I had this whole world of patterns that I could not make for myself without the “Creeper” factor. And Emma was going to be the first “Awwww and AAAHHHH my friends just had a baby! I‘M OLD!” True story blogees.
       And then Emma showed up on the scene and became the cutest baby ever known to man.
     And I went crochet crazy.
     And here’s my past promise. BABY MOBILES! I crochet ‘em. They take a really long time. When I crochet, I watch shows. It helps me concentrate and crocheting can be a little mind numbing if you don’t have something to watch or listen to. And I found the TV to be less annoying that switching out CDs every thirty to forty minutes. That’s the beauty of watching TV shows on DVD. So when I was crocheting Emma’s mobile… I watched Veronica Mars. All three seasons.

There should have been more seasons. Are you listening to me?

 I measure how long projects take me by TV shows, kind of like how I measure how much hair I cut off by small dogs. (The last hair cut was one Yorkie.)

You think I'm kidding.

The results? Awesome.

The completed Mobile.

Let’s do a break down… shall we?



BEE!



FLIPPING JELLY FISH OF DOOM!

HIPPO!



LION! RAWR!

　

KOALA!!

DOGGIE!!

BUNNY!

Then I made an awesome blanket to go with it. It was a lot of work. But I love it. Best blanket EVAR.

Work in Progress

 It has some flaws.

 Emma is not picky though.

       Then Emma started to receive my Ooops pile (of rejected things that wouldn’t fit on another mobile---why another mobile? Because people started seeing Emma’s and requested I make them one. This usually came in a payment of pie. And no, I will probably not make you one for pie. Unless it's pumpkin. And even then, I'm only kidding.)

Ooops! Way too big!

Or my favorite: the Oops! Too awkward!

       She also received the pile of “I really wanted to make it but I don’t actually want to keep it because if I did I’d have to move into another room.” Observe.

That's her Christmas present actually. But I still want one.

Turtle Doll

There then became The Emma Clause. Better known as The Friend Clause. Not to be confused with Santa Claus.



Or Tim Allen.

 The Friend Claus:
1.) If we are good friends and you find that you are expecting… I will shower you with:
A.) One baby blanket. If you have no themes (how I hate themes. Though I’ve gotten some pretty good ones…. So I’m not complaining), I will make a blanket of my chosing. Why? Because I am the creator and I have my rules [see Well at least I'm not a Norman Bates... ]. Also because I have more knowledge of crochet than you do. So there.
B.) One Baby Mobile. Why? Because I love making them. Even if they are a lot of work. They turn out amazing.
Of course, all under the condition that I offer it. If I don't offer it... well... you can decide what that means. It probably means that I'm super busy and wont finish it anytime soon. But whatever you think.

The Emma Clause took into effect when another couple joined our group. The Beautiful Becky and the Nerdy Phillip (who is the equivalent to my nerd counterpart: Fiancé).

They not only eat pie... Becky BAKES pie.

 Who, by the way, joined in our small group when they were 7 weeks pregnant. Which was exactly how far along Kenney and Rachel were when we joined. Which is also how far along the other couple that just joined us are.
Which brings me to the conclusion that we have a small group curse. And I am the only one yelling “WHY ARE YOU EXCITED TO SQUEEZE SOMETHING THE SIZE OF A WATERMELON OUT OF A HOLE THE SIZE OF A LEMON?!” followed by “Awwww…. Look at the baby…”
Well, small group curse or not… these people are all about

Mmmm Pie

And friendship. And at the moment? Diapers.

Used smelly, diapers.

 But mostly friendship. Because… who really wants to eat a whole pie by themselves on a Wednesday night? This mad, evil blogging genius does not. Mad, evil blogging genius thoughts? Updated.

　

Time for lunch. Mad, evil blogging genius... Out.