"Why don't you try squeezing something the size of a watermelon out of an opening the size of a lemon and see how hot YOU look?"



Oh John Travolta... this is back when you were super skinny and super wonderful...
Who am I kidding? I still love you.



        Have you ever had one of those realizations that make you stop dead in your tracks and shout “WHEN DID I GET SO OLD?!”



Like when you make a fantastic movie reference to an equally fantastic movie
 and no one under the age of twenty even knows what you are talking about---That kind of old.

       I’m at the point. You know, the point in your life when all your friends are getting married or having kids. It’s a weird point. And it’s a little scary… because I’m getting there too (the getting married part not the having children part because that’s at least 60 years from now, minimum). When did we get so old guys? Ever feel that way my fellow blogees?



The feeling like when you look at a picture of your Great Grandmother
---only the coolest Grandma ever---and think to yourself...
 "Wow! She looks so young in this picture! And so do I!" OLD!

         I have a confession. Another one, besides I’m a yarn addict or being obsessive over which crochet stitch thingy do I like better. My confession: I really love babies. I don’t like holding them. I like looking at them though. Not in the gross creepy way (I DON’T LOOK GOOD IN ORANGE) but in the “Wow, that watermelon used to be in your body and what would make you think that was going to be an awesome time?” way,

Seriously? That just doesn't even SOUND fun.

     It’s amazing. Moms are my heroes. Seriously. I am not brave. At all. I can’t list a single thing in my life that I was absolutely 100% positively sure about. Parenting is one of my biggest fears. Why? Because I’m 22 years old and I’m trying to figure out life at the moment…. I don’t want to have to figure out parenting on top of it. Which is why moms are my heroes. Because they may be petrified, but they don’t show it. And there’s nothing like a love for your own child. You can just see it on parents’ faces, you know?



Not to get sappy but I really believe God gave us moms because… he did.
 What? Were you thinking I was going to say something cheesy?
(I seriously question how much my mom loved me though---That hat is awful)

Gouda. To be exact.

      I bring up babies because of my favorite five month old.

She's laughing because I made a pun about cheese.

        How did we come to meet? Little Emma and I? Well, Fiancé and I go to Sagebrush. And they believe in this whole “life together thing” because Jesus had his disciples and they all worked together. Follow? And so a year ago I talked Fiancé into letting us join a small group. It was scary... I mean... what if we went into a weird couple's house?

Awww Fiancé!

 A small group is a group of people who are Christians who get together and hang out. I know what you are thinking… Didn’t you have friends? …You’ve read the blog right?… Would you want to be my friend? Kidding! We had plenty of friends but it was important to have some friends who understood our beliefs, and so we found a wonderful couple. (Note: We did go to a weird couple's house. They just happened to be as weird as we are.)

They eat pie.

 And we became friends [This is where I’d put a picture of all of this… but we’ve never had a picture of us. We fail.] And then Kenney and Rachel announced they were having Emma. 

She wants to eat pie.

 and I got super excited.
This is my point: I am a pattern freak. If there is a cute pattern... I will find it. I will commandeer it and then I will want to make it. As a 22 year old college student there are a few things that would be weird for me to make. 
Weird things to make when you don’t have kids:
   1.) baby blankets. No matter how cute they are, it’s weird.
   2.) Baby toys. Seriously? Why?
   3.) Baby booties. What? Do you want me to find a squirrel somewhere that can  wear booties?
   4.) Baby hats. No matter how epic they may seem… they will never fit on your head.
   5.) Baby mobiles. I know. Weird idea. Awesome. Trust me. But you can’t make one for yourself   because  it’s a baby mobile. Not a “Twenty something” mobile or a “senior citizen mobile.” BABY mobile.
        Which is why I was excited. Suddenly I had this whole world of patterns that I could not make for myself without the “Creeper” factor. And Emma was going to be the first “Awwww and AAAHHHH my friends just had a baby! I‘M OLD!” True story blogees.
       And then Emma showed up on the scene and became the cutest baby ever known to man.
     And I went crochet crazy.
     And here’s my past promise. BABY MOBILES! I crochet ‘em. They take a really long time. When I crochet, I watch shows. It helps me concentrate and crocheting can be a little mind numbing if you don’t have something to watch or listen to. And I found the TV to be less annoying that switching out CDs every thirty to forty minutes. That’s the beauty of watching TV shows on DVD. So when I was crocheting Emma’s mobile… I watched Veronica Mars. All three seasons.

There should have been more seasons. Are you listening to me?

 I measure how long projects take me by TV shows, kind of like how I measure how much hair I cut off by small dogs. (The last hair cut was one Yorkie.)

You think I'm kidding.

The results? Awesome.

The completed Mobile.

Let’s do a break down… shall we?



BEE!



FLIPPING JELLY FISH OF DOOM!

HIPPO!



LION! RAWR!

　

KOALA!!

DOGGIE!!

BUNNY!

Then I made an awesome blanket to go with it. It was a lot of work. But I love it. Best blanket EVAR.

Work in Progress

 It has some flaws.

 Emma is not picky though.

       Then Emma started to receive my Ooops pile (of rejected things that wouldn’t fit on another mobile---why another mobile? Because people started seeing Emma’s and requested I make them one. This usually came in a payment of pie. And no, I will probably not make you one for pie. Unless it's pumpkin. And even then, I'm only kidding.)

Ooops! Way too big!

Or my favorite: the Oops! Too awkward!

       She also received the pile of “I really wanted to make it but I don’t actually want to keep it because if I did I’d have to move into another room.” Observe.

That's her Christmas present actually. But I still want one.

Turtle Doll

There then became The Emma Clause. Better known as The Friend Clause. Not to be confused with Santa Claus.



Or Tim Allen.

 The Friend Claus:
1.) If we are good friends and you find that you are expecting… I will shower you with:
A.) One baby blanket. If you have no themes (how I hate themes. Though I’ve gotten some pretty good ones…. So I’m not complaining), I will make a blanket of my chosing. Why? Because I am the creator and I have my rules [see Well at least I'm not a Norman Bates... ]. Also because I have more knowledge of crochet than you do. So there.
B.) One Baby Mobile. Why? Because I love making them. Even if they are a lot of work. They turn out amazing.
Of course, all under the condition that I offer it. If I don't offer it... well... you can decide what that means. It probably means that I'm super busy and wont finish it anytime soon. But whatever you think.

The Emma Clause took into effect when another couple joined our group. The Beautiful Becky and the Nerdy Phillip (who is the equivalent to my nerd counterpart: Fiancé).

They not only eat pie... Becky BAKES pie.

 Who, by the way, joined in our small group when they were 7 weeks pregnant. Which was exactly how far along Kenney and Rachel were when we joined. Which is also how far along the other couple that just joined us are.
Which brings me to the conclusion that we have a small group curse. And I am the only one yelling “WHY ARE YOU EXCITED TO SQUEEZE SOMETHING THE SIZE OF A WATERMELON OUT OF A HOLE THE SIZE OF A LEMON?!” followed by “Awwww…. Look at the baby…”
Well, small group curse or not… these people are all about

Mmmm Pie

And friendship. And at the moment? Diapers.

Used smelly, diapers.

 But mostly friendship. Because… who really wants to eat a whole pie by themselves on a Wednesday night? This mad, evil blogging genius does not. Mad, evil blogging genius thoughts? Updated.

　

Time for lunch. Mad, evil blogging genius... Out.

"...And it's not because I'm lonely, and it's not because it's New Year's Eve..."

I have nothing witty to say about this.

      There’s a theme to my mad, evil genius blogging skills. Have you figured it out yet kind readers? Yes, I realize that 1.) Half of you are probably about to exit the blog to watch When Harry Met Sally and 2.) I just updated the blog which leads to … 3.) Emma’s Mommy (also known as the Incredible Rachel… I.R. for short) has been hounding me (very nicely) about updating my blog… for four months. She’s a dedicated fan. I assure you. Not like the crazy creepy follow kind because she’s too incredible to ever be creepy. She did give birth to my favorite four (well, now she’s five months) month old. I’m honorary aunt. The family just doesn’t know it yet…



Another stolen picture. Of my two of my favorites. See? Way too incredible to be creepy!

         I had an honorary uncle once. Uncle Larry. (Warning: tangent having nothing to do with anything except being mildly amusing… I hope). Uncle Larry was pretty awesome. He’s my dad’s best friend from high school.

That's right! My dad was a matador!

I think my daddy is way too Irish to be a Matador.

        Why am I talking about Larry being awesome in past tense… because when I was in middle school my parents broke the news to me that one of my favorite uncles… was not actually my uncle. The whole time I really thought we were related. How earth shattering is that? I went through a phase of calling him “Hey… you…” or “….. Larry….” but now? I’m pretty cool with it. He’s gained back his ranks to Uncle Larry again.
        What’s Uncle Larry or the Incredible Rachel and my favorite (now) five month old have to do with crocheting and When Harry Met Sally? Answer: Absolutely nothing. Don’t loose me now! DON’T TOUCH PLAY! I’m working the blog skills! (Or should I say Skillz… what makes me hipper? Not to be confused with hyper. The answer to that one is not a shot of tequila because that makes me sick, but Marshmallow Treasures! Think Lucky Charms, but cooler. Because there’s dolphins).

They are not just magically delicious... they are filled with pirate themed marshmallows!

My tie in: When Harry Met Sally, one of the greatest films ever because my mother HATES it. (I’m kidding. Well, she does hate it… but that’s not why I like it. My mom and I have a very good relationship. See below.)


This was a really long time ago. I look really tall! Shut up! I'm not on a mound of dirt!

       The ending, if you recall, where Harry makes his famous “I love you because of all these things you do” speech takes place around New Year's. I know, I promised pie and baby mobiles on the next post… and it’s coming… but I just made a Christmas blog and now I have to do a New Year’s Blog. And that is where we get into crocheting my fellow crochet junkies.
       In 2009 (Okay yeah, I know) on New Year’s Eve (SHUT UP) I started a project (Seriously, shut it). I was crocheting everyone’s favorite green frog. Hint: It’s not easy being green. (The first person to even think something other than Kermit will be flogged.) Yup. I started him New Year’s Eve. I brought 2010 in by crocheting Kermit the Frog.

Seriously, who doesn't love Kermit?

I bring him up now because…. It’s now 2011. A brand New Year… and Kermit… .Is still… NOT… done. Kermit is eyeless.

 Somehow Kermit is not that cute eyeless.

  I am going to finish him in ten minutes….. TO START 2011 OFF ON THE RIGHT KERMIT EYE... erm foot. I know what you are thinking… why has Kermit the Frog been blind and eyeless (redundant? Maybe. I thought I should add more details) for a whole year? Well see, I made his eyes on January 1, 2010.

Blurry Kermit eyes... or is that dust?

 But I really hate to embroider. Why? Because BAD THINGS HAPPEN. Instead, I paint eyes on with non toxic fabric paint. In the case of Kermit, I crocheted the whites of his eyes (because they are 3-D on Kermit, I don’t know if you noticed that) and then I painted on the little black part. I had to let it dry of course. And then when they dried…. Well they just never got sewn on for one reason: I HATE SEWING. Why? Because I hate it! Like Embroidery! BAAAH!!!!



I want my eyes Mandy! I'LL HAUNT YOU IN YOUR SLEEP!

 But today is THE day! I WILL FINISH KERMIT!!! Poor dude. Now my blogees (I assume a blogee reads blogs while a blogger writes blogs) hang tight (you too Microsoft Word…. Do not close!) I will SAVE Kermit!



Seriously woman! MY EYES!



Surgery! STAT!

Your room... is A MESS! (I bet you didn't realize Kermit was so mean, huh?)

Is that an eye booger string? Why... yes, it is.

On an aside (Warning: Another tangent)… I love When Harry Met Sally because they mention… pecan PIE!

Mmmm pie!

On another aside... the Incredible Rachel... and her wonderful husband (Awesome Kenney... also known as plain Kenney and the father of my favorite five month old) bought me this really cool thing:

I love it! They bought it from Madbird. Coolest thingy EVAR!

Kermit loves it too. Even with his eye booger string.

Okay my little amazing blogees… Kermit! IS complete and has forgiven me! I think.

I still think Kermit is yelling at me... But look! No eye boogers!

Until next time my lovely blogees! Mobiles and Pie! Swear it!

You can never have too much pie!

Want Kermit's pattern? I used this one from the lovely Siemprejosefina. Her shop has nothing in it right now... she's on vacation.